When the support stops, when everyone goes away, so will I. I will not function alone, for I am not a person. I can not function the way one person would. I need things other’s would not think of. I want things other’s have. I have nothing.
You don’t have a single genuine emotion, you constantly feel the need to fill in the voids of your life (everywhere) with human interaction. Whether it be attention, sex, violence, anything of pure face value. When you talk to someone, you tell them things they want to hear. When you study them, you find out the right words to say to them. Not the right words that you genuinely feel. You used to...
Nothing ever happens.
I wish I could be writing about the ones that you do. I wish I could of met them all in the way that you have. We’ve all had our chances, And I’ve Ruined Them All.
I am what I am.
In most ways of the word, I am alone. I feel alone, I sometimes feel nothing, no matter what I’m surrounded by or what I’m inside of. I do things that I feel others perceive as normal so I don’t have to look disturbed or uncomfortable. The people who are around me only make me feel unstable, and ensuring in knowing that I will never find a person to truly coincide with. You could be standing next...
Trust only two,
Me and you, me and you.
I would love to meet her.
Had a dream about us, I had a few day dreams. You slept with this one though. You think of me when you sleep. I think about only so much throughout my day, but I do think of you. I go to sleep because I need an escape. I usually find myself in bed all day because I can’t find an escape. I usually drive myself insane because I can’t find an escape. I’ll drink bleach to find it. You probably won’t...
Save your money.
I can keep telling people what they want to hear for only so long before I don’t care. I can keep telling you what you want me to say before I grow exhausted. I feel uncomfortable and I want to stay, I’ve took way too many risks on you to think you’ll ever change. I’ve done enough to myself to put me where I am, the least thing I need is for someone else to make it worse. This is something you...
There’s something frightening about early mornings. Especially early winter mornings. When the functioning members of society arise and begin their days of depleting themselves of sunlight. I can hear them wake up, I can hear them sigh. I can see them pacing slowly with regret as the stale white light, and frigid air happens to wake them up. I feel too uncomfortable being there, I need to...
Pressed eyes into the backs of minds. It’s all this stress that will leave me blind. All this air is weighing me down, my lungs are hundreds of pounds. I can feel every little bit of my surroundings, and I think I’m swimming above water. I think I’m breathing but I think I’m drowning. Enlightened words at half a mile an hour, I can barely hear out your voice. I can feel your breath, it’s just...
Oh I think of you often...
Oh I think of you often, I look at your picture then I put it away. If I could believe you, then I’d never put it down. With enough thinking, my mind”s sure to wander elsewhere. I’d like to see you, but I’d also like to believe you. I feel that I still can’t. I’d like to believe you. It just doesn’t seem like I’ll be able to.
So many days left.
I wish I could convince everyone I love to kill themselves. I wouldn’t feel so bad then. I don’t want them to miss me, but I don’t want to miss them. I wish we could all just get together and get it over with. I wish they’d understand that this life is just not enough and I’ve grown weary of it. Take me and put my face in the corner while everyone gets it over with. I’ll let go, do it myself, and...
I’ve come to terms with learning dependencies and that chip off your heart. You break everything you own because you’re never content with something. You will be your own problem, you will be your own best friend. You will never listen to anyone, you will try to listen to yourself. You will end up confused. With that, you end up with yourself, only you.
I am back in Massachusetts, this will mean I will be writing relentlessly. Thanks winter depression.
It all just slows down a bit.
I don’t know what it is anymore. When one could ask me how I feel, I would simply just not reply. This is a standstill, a low in my life. Never before, I pray never again. Is it me, or is it everyone else? Am I better here, or nowhere at all? These questions fill my mind every day. Now when I go to sleep, I don’t feel the need to awake. Though I do, for some reason or another. It...
Head in the oven.
I’m scratching out my eyes, or at least the parts that get me to stare at all the pretty girls. When you stare at someone like her you don’t fall in love, you don’t fantasize, you only get upset. You know the kind of face that will make you utterly depressed. You’ll never exchange a word, so you try to ask a question, when it’s answered she’ll certainly walk away. That’s the best you can do for...
I received my rejection notice today, okay. I reviewed it and accepted it, oh well. This is something I expected, this is something to endure. You don’t put yourself out there unless you’re going to fail. I’ll stay reclusive in order to disappoint. I hate what I have and want what I can’t. I’ll throw it all away at a chance of something I want. I’ll end up throwing it all away, and never getting...
December 29th, you're still alone.
Some days are more miserable than others, today is no exception. Morning depression tends to be the worst type of depression. I try to wake up and I then I proceed to try to wake up again. I never really wake up. I sit. I don’t say much because I’m too busying trying to wake up and sitting. I have the whole next 24 hours to sit in my head with all the thoughts I could imagine. All the...
It's just that...
She made me feel like expulsion She made me feel set aside Oh and she asked me If I was the jealous type How could I feel normal With her hand on my wrist Then she asked me, oh she asked me Do you want to exist My first step into water Feeling reborn again Go for seconds, go for thirds It never had an end But then my legs broke I couldn’t go for a swim You couldn’t help me Watched me...
I have you and thought about you, now what do I do with you? I followed you and took an interest in you, now what do I do with you? You are mine to keep and you will never leave, whether it be the backseat, the bedroom, or basement. There are others around you, but none quite like you, I kept you here for a reason. I make you realize who you are and what you are for a reason. When I go, please...
Days of Permanence.
In a way I’m numb, so I feel like nothing. In a way I’m nothing, but don’t call me that. It could be said that I don’t care, as well as it could be said that you care far too much. I could pretend like you don’t, but who’s the one to get ahead of their-self? I watch you, from a distance of course, and I notice the way you break. I can see your wall dissipate, I...
Well tell them this;
I’m corrupted by normality, it’s been giving me spots in my vision from controlling my reality. I’m getting adapted to the same old feeling, going through the same old emotions. I’m lead to experience, excite, disappoint and accept misery. What do I do when I’m too worn down to want to continue again? I’m corrupted by sex, it’s been making me numb. When I...
No idea where I am.
I’ve grown so worn down that I’ve forgot what love is. You filed me down, and the rest of me went with the wind. This is the rest of me, this is what is left of myself. You see, you always could tell, you always know what you’re doing. Taking advantage of what? I don’t know. I don’t know what you can gain from me, I don’t seem to be of much help these days. What...
When I speak up, you shove your voice down my throat, and I choke. I stand to be kicked in the back of the knees. Who needs confidence when you know when it falls on deaf ears. What good is yourself when you are of no use to anyone? What is the point of tired efforts of trying, when no one wants you to love yourself. Why should I love myself when I know I’m incompatible? The spirit is a mere...
Wrinkles in the...
You’re getting so obsessive. You pine over every waking moment where you don’t receive her call. It’s getting obsessive. You’ve turned brutally self-conscious in hoping that everything goes perfect for her. You sit for days inside your room thinking about you two. You’ve wrote her name all over your walls. You’ve smudged some ink all over your face. You wrote her name inside of your hand....
I don't know you, but now I want to. (Postcard's...
You opened up to me that night and you told me about all of your problems. It was rather dark and we couldn’t see our breaths. Everything still smelled like salt. You couldn’t hear a break or a swell and the ocean seemed so far away. There was no more sand left on us because we strolled around the side streets the whole time as it all blew away in the wind. Your eyes were swelling...
My stomach sinks when I think, and I lose all appetite. You managed to bring everything down, whether you’re here or you’re home, it never stops.You’re the reason why I can’t quite sleep right. You’re every single excuse for why I’ll stay in every single night. Everything I called my own, I gave to you in one way or another, you may not have it, but you know you...
The fewer places we can go.
I can never be one with myself. It’s a crooked way of life, one that makes you wish you never lived again. One that makes you realize you can’t live any other way. My actions are the glue that binds me from where I really want to go. There is not too much direction because I’ve lead everyone else to follow. Where the road stops and you’re just not good enough, you pull out...
Dead friends, I have dead friends. The kind of ones you never get back again. I can’t really say goodbye, or hello, because I haven’t left.
Well you just sit there.
People live their lives with the purpose to upset me I feel at times. When they speak their mind, or express their emotions, it always finds its way to ruin me from the inside out. Who you’re draped on this year, and who you’re falling for the next, I still manage to fall apart. It’s who’ve you met, and the person you’ve grown to become. It’s the tired eyes...
A few times before everything happened, we barely met. A few times before that I was still punching holes in my walls. A few times before that I was watching them try to kill their-self. A few times before that I had no idea what to expect for the rest of my life. I now don’t think of the future, I now barely think at all. Though when I do think, I think that I have no idea what to expect....
No one likes you when you wear your heart on your sleeve, but I don’t like anyone so I could care less what they think. Stop staring, you’re making me uncomfortable. Stop talking, you’re not helping. When you touch me, I squirm. You came at the worst possible time. You give your best and your best certainly isn’t enough, but I don’t have anything else. No one is...
Goodbye Old Friend.
The drugs are separating all the addicts. They’re all coming back together though under different intents. He’s now friends with him, and she’s now friends with him. I remember them from way back when. Their child is in the living room while they’re shooting heroin. Don’t think I don’t know what you’ve done. Closeted interests spoil half the fun. Chasing dreams gets a bit difficult when you can’t...
I know who you think about and talk to late at night and it saddens me. It makes me feel like I swallowed a glass of thumb tacks. It makes me feel like I’ve been stranded naked in the cold. It makes me feel like I’m being repetitively beaten in the head by people who want nothing more than to harm me. It makes me feel like I’ve been running in place for a few years only to get pushed over. It...
Anonymous asked: Do you like Ellios Pizza, and are you still a vegan!?
I typically get depressed when I feel all the air conditioned because it’s your room that it reminds me of. You used to show me what you’d wear for the day, wear for the night. I would throw my rocks three thousand miles over to your window in hopes for you to peer out. We would talk for hours come night time. I don’t have much of a voice left. I used to yell about it all, because you wouldn’t...
I’d like to hold your hand so tight that I’ll break all of it’s bones. I’d like to kiss you so much our lips start to chap. If I could hold you, I’d break every rib and pierce your lungs. When we talk I’m too busy listening to you, I don’t even remember what I’ve said. When I think of you I’ll black out. When I wake up soaked in my own blood, I see our reflection inside of it. If you could talk to...
Waste makes waste.
I just don’t need to see it. I rather push my eyes into the back of my skull than see it. It’s been a waste of time and I’m glad to see where it’s taken me. I ran circles around your apartment to realize how distant I truly am from everything and everyone. I could stare at you sleeping and think about you dying, but it’s just not worth my time. I could never waste my time on something like that....
Putting myself to sleep after feeding myself more bad luck for the afterlife. I’m full and I’m full of doubt, I’m full of illogical reasoning, I’m full of bad decisions. This tends to be the time where I wish to of never lived at all. This character built is starting to fracture my spine, it’s starting to wear down my being. How can I stand when there’s a hand on top of my head? How could I ever...
Do what you want.
I can breathe in all the dirt on this floor if I keep laying like this. I could bruise a rib if I continue laying like this. I don’t want to get up. I can’t breath from all the dirt on this floor since I keep laying like this. I’m bruising a rib since I keep laying like this. I can’t get up. I stopped breathing because you stood over me and told me to hold my breath. I punctured my lung...
I should stand up for myself, but I’m getting too fat for my own good. I’m not growing, I’m not getting bigger, I’m getting heavier and I move slower. All the rejection and all the times I’m wrong seem to collect and add to me. For that, I gain and I gain. I’ll always accept I can not do right by anyone’s side, and with that I’ll bring them down too. I have no will, and surely can not fight, I can...
Goodbye to the old days, your wonder bids you farewell. Innocence has yet to return and we fear that it may never resurface. They’ve all managed to push it underneath the soil, and you’ll have to dig for years. You’re being pushed around as they gang around in numbers too high, bring your expectations to lows. Set nothing for nothing, expect nothing, be nothing. You’re not quite a clean slate,...
There are times when I want to rip apart my face, and then there are times I wish to not. I usually settle for resting my face in between my hands because I’m far too drained to move. These are the moments that weight me down, that wear me down, that maim me. The words speak louder than the actions when you’re weak, you only hurt yourself, and you have no one to protect. You’re your own, friend or...
You talked about hurting yourself today, and I’m sorry to hear that. I feel like I know your feeling, the marks on your surface, the feel of the marks on your surface. I feel like I know you truly when I touch you. You tried to read me, but you can’t. If you did you’d bore yourself to sleep. I am nothing but mere middle. I am the continuous lean on the point of tolerable and abhorrent. Though you,...
Leaning over your window sill because you’re wondering how far of a leap it would have to be. You think about your legs breaking as you land, maybe it’d be your ankles, maybe you’d break your knees, maybe you’d fracture your skull. Put your head out the window because you’re tired of listening to me. Think about all the outcomes in your body that are more pleasant than the one going through one...
So he’s pretty confused. He basically just threw away most of his teenage years. When it turned around to look back at him, with blue glaring eyes that begged for another chance he saw right through them. He felt sick to his stomach, it took him years to realize that now he spent so much time on nothing. He spent his years with a human that has the traits of the air. It went where ever it was...
You’re all awake because something is troubling you. It’s 2am and you still can’t sleep, you don’t plan on it. You still replay the voice in your head “Stop acting childish” and it won’t leave you alone. All you want for right now is to be left alone, even when by yourself. You can’t stop yourself from annoying yourself.